Grooming Day: Also Known as “Why Is My Human Stealing My Dirt?”

To you, it’s grooming.
To your horse, it’s identity theft.

Because horses don’t see dirt as “unclean.”
Oh no.

To them, that layer of mud is:
✨ Armor
✨ Natural perfume
✨ A fashion statement
✨ And apparently, non-negotiable.

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🐴 The Horse Perspective

You approach with your grooming kit, full of love and brushes.
Your horse looks at you like you’re about to remove their entire personality.

And not just any dirt.
Selected dirt.
Premium mud.
Handcrafted, rolled-on, scented with hints of grass and questionable puddle.

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💅 The Three Horse Grooming Personalities

1️⃣ The Drama Queen
Acts like every brush stroke is a personal attack.
Flinches. Snorts. Side-eyes. Sighs loudly.

2️⃣ The Statue
Emotionally checked out. Processing the meaning of existence. Probably astral traveling.

3️⃣ The Grooming Addict
Leans aggressively into every brushstroke
Moves themselves to your hand like, “Yeah, right there. Don’t stop. Forever.”

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🧴 The Great Post-Grooming Betrayal

You finish grooming. Your horse is glowing—clean, soft, glossy, an equestrian masterpiece.

You stand back, proud.
They look stunning.

Your horse takes one elegant step outside…

…and immediately dives into a mud puddle like it’s an Olympic sport.

Grooming time: 45 minutes.
Clean time: 6.4 seconds.

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🧠 But Here’s the Science (and sanity)

Grooming actually:
✔ Boosts circulation
✔ Builds trust & bonds
✔ Releases happy horse hormones
✔ Helps spot skin issues, ticks, and soreness
✔ Makes them look less like a wild swamp creature

They don’t know all that.
But they do know it feels good (eventually).

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🐎 At the End of the Day…

Your horse may never fully appreciate why you keep scrubbing away their artistic mud masterpieces.

But they’ll remember:
💛 Your hands on their coat
💛 The quiet moments
💛 The care (and the carrot after)

Even if they immediately sprint outside to reapply dirt.