Everyone says riding is elegant.
Graceful.
Beautiful.
A poetic dance between horse and rider.
…Until you actually get on a horse.
Then it becomes a workout, a negotiation, a trust exercise,
and occasionally a surprise flying lesson.
Let’s be real.
The first trot
From the ground, trotting looks smooth and bouncy in a cute, controlled way.
From the saddle?
Gravity forgets its job.
Your legs forget their job.
Your seat disappears entirely.
You don’t feel like a rider.
You feel like a potato in a washing machine.
The horse: “Just relax and follow the movement.”
Your body: ERROR 404: FOLLOWING MOVEMENT NOT FOUND
Canter
When it works: magical, flowy, like flying a Pegasus through a soft cloud.
When it doesn’t:
Congratulations, you are now a bobblehead.
Rider posture
“Sit tall, shoulders back, heels down, soft hands, straight wrists, relaxed hips, look forward, breathe.”
Sure.
Let me just do all of that while steering a 500-kg animal
who has suddenly decided a plastic bag is a deadly dragon.
Horses and mysterious objects
Cows? Fine.
Trucks? Fine.
A butterfly 17 meters away? PANIC. IMMINENT DEATH. RUN.
Horses have two brain modes:
✅ Totally calm.
✅ Something is different. We must die.
Grooming
Before riding: clean horse, shiny coat, professional photoshoot vibes.
After riding: horse rolls in mud within 0.2 seconds.
Every rider: “Why do you hate cleanliness?”
Meanwhile the horse is living its best spa life in dirt.
Eating treats
Carrot? Yes.
Apple? Yes.
Your jacket? Maybe.
Your pocket? Definitely.
Your soul? If it smells like snacks.
And yet…
For every chaotic moment, there’s that one perfect second:
the horse relaxes, your body finally syncs, the world goes quiet,
and suddenly you are that elegant equestrian you imagined.
You hop off the saddle exhausted, dusty, maybe a little crooked…
and already excited for the next ride.
Because riding is messy.
Funny.
Unpredictable.
But also magical.
No yoga class, gym membership, or meditation app
can replace a horse who looks at you like:
“We survived another lesson. Same time tomorrow?”
